


Hallucination

by watcherofworlds



Series: Whumptober 2019 [22]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Episode: s04e11 A.W.O.L., Gen, Hallucinations, Prompt Fill, Whumptober, Whumptober 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-28 21:27:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21143468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watcherofworlds/pseuds/watcherofworlds
Summary: Prompt for Whumptober Day 22 "Hallucination"





	Hallucination

Long after Oliver had left, Felicity still couldn’t get the hurt, confused look on his face out of her head. She couldn’t escape the feeling that she’d messed something up irrevocably.

“God, you’re  _ so _ pathetic,” the hallucination, her constant companion over the last several hours, scoffed, stepping back into her field of view. “No wonder Dad left. I wouldn’t want to be around someone so weak either.”

_ I’m not weak, _ Felicity thought desperately. _ I’m  _ not _ . Oliver _ \- The hallucination laughed scornfully, halting her train of thought.

“You think that just because Oliver tells you that you’re not weak, that means he’s  _ right _ ?” it demanded. The damn thing was just a projection of her subconscious, so of course it would have access to her innermost thoughts. “You know he’s just saying that to make you feel better, don’t you? I mean,  _ look _ at you. You’re trapped in here, feeling sorry for yourself and dependent on others for your every need.”

“You’re wrong,” Felicity said, but her protest sounded weak, even to her own ears. The hallucination’s response to her feeble denial was another scornful laugh.

“No, I’m not,” it said. “Know how I know? Because I’m  _ you _ , Felicity. Oliver and your friends and the other people in your life can  _ act _ like they know you, but they don’t. Not like I do.”

“You are _ not _ me,” Felicity argued desperately, with the one thing she knew to be true in that moment.

“No, I’m not,” the hallucination agreed. “But I’m the you you used to be. Back when you were strong. Back when you were actually _ worth _ something.”

“I’m  _ still _ worth something,” Felicity said with all the conviction she could muster. “I may not be strong like Oliver or a fighter like Laurel, but I-”

“Shut up!” the hallucination shouted, cutting her off. “Shut up! Stop lying to yourself! You saw what happened back there- the one thing that you’re supposed to be good at, and you failed! Deep down, whatever lies you’ve let people make you believe, you _ know _ that you’re weak! You  _ know  _ that you’re useless!” Felicity knew that this was all in her head, nothing but the physical manifestation of a feedback loop of her darkest thoughts and deepest doubts, which was the only reason that she was able to manage to not react to those words the way she would have if someone real had spoken them to her.

“You’re wrong,” she said, able to speak from a place of lucid rationality, if only for a moment. “You’re not even _ real _ . You’re just a projection of my subconscious, and I’ve been dealing with negative thoughts just like you since I was seven years old. You only have power over me if I give it to you, and I won’t. So go away.” The hallucination smiled mockingly, wicked and dagger sharp.

“You can keep telling yourself that,” it said. “But I’m not going anywhere. Not  _ ever _ . I’m always going to be that little voice in the back of your mind that you can’t stop yourself from listening to.”

“Get out!” Felicity screamed, clapping her hands over her ears to block out the hallucination’s mocking, insidious voice. “Get out of my apartment, get out of my head, just get out!” She screamed her throat raw on those last two words. She squeezed her eyes shut, plunging herself into self-imposed darkness and blocking out the world around her, and when she opened them again, she was alone. The hallucination was gone. It seemed she had earned herself a reprieve from the physical manifestation of the negative voice in her head, but she knew it would be all too brief. It would be back before long.


End file.
